He is going to have a bad day :D
Bikes are Better Than Women
1) Riding a bike in public is not frowned upon.
2) Bikes never want to talk to you about how they feel.
3) Bikes don’t complain if things come up and you cannot be with them.
4) You can ride hard and fast or nice and slow, and the bike won’t care.
5) Bicycles only require about $25 dollars of maintenance every 1000 miles, while girls require several hundred every feet they walk in a mall.
6) You can have as many bicycles as you want and the others wont care or complain about it.
7) You don’t have to worry about needing a rubber, the bike already has all you will need.
There is not a long term commitment, if a bike is past using you can just toss it and get another.
9) Bikes will actually save you money.
10) Biking makes men stronger, whereas women generally do the opposite.
11) When you get in a wreck on a bike you will just get hurt, but a wreck with a girl will leave you hurt and broke.
12) A bike never says, “I have a headache.”
13) There is no need to go out on a date with a bike and spend lots of money trying to impress it.
14) Both girls and bikes claim they have no gas, but that is actually only true of the bike.
15) If your bike gets taken away the police and others will help get it back, but if you lose a girl no one will help you get her back.
16) A bike doesn’t want to cuddle after a long, hard ride.
17) Bikes don’t think they are better then men.
18) Bikes allow you to see the world and all its beauty, whereas girls only want you looking at them and not the other beauties.
19) After you get a bike it stays the same weight.
20) When a bike goes it doesn’t take half of your money with it.
21) Going too fast on a bike isn’t nearly as dangerous as going too fast with a girl. No matter how fast you go on a bike you will never have to pay child support.
22) A bike will take you where you want to go for free, a girl will make you go to places and make you pay for it.
23) With a bike, you don’t have to be afraid of the phrase, “It’s all down hill from here.”
24) You can tell immediately if a bike is straight or not.
25) Coming home late with a bike or going away for a while with a bike won’t result in a angry father looking for you with his shotgun.
26) Bikes are simple to understand, and you can easily tell what the problem is and how to fix it. There are no subtle signals you must look for.
27) There is no arguing with a bike about who gets to be on top, for the bike is always on the bottom.
28) Bikes don’t ruin men’s lives.
29) When you want to ride a bike in a new position the bike doesn’t demand to know where you learned that position.
30) Bikes don’t come with in-laws.
Daughter and the vibrator
A mother hears a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom, so she opens the door and finds her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. “What the hell are you doing?” the mom asks.
“I’m 35 and I still live at home with my parents. This is the closest I’ll ever get to having a husband,” replies the daughter.
Later that same week the father hears the humming noise and finds his daughter with her vibrator. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“I’m 35 and I still live at home with my parents. This is the closest I’ll ever get to having a husband,” replies the daughter.
A few days later the mother hears the humming noise coming from the den, so she bursts into the room (quite annoyed) and is surprised to see her husband sitting on the couch, watching TV with the vibrator buzzing away next to him.
“What in God’s name are you doing?” she asks.
“Watching the game with my son-in-law!”
I just wanted to be a frog
The power of make-up
