Murphy’s Laws
- Anything that can go wrong will.
- Trust everybody … then cut the cards.
- Two wrongs are only the beginning.
- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
- Exceptions prove the rule … and wreck the budget.
- Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
- Quality assurance dosen’t.
- The tough part of a Data Processing Manager’s job is that users don’t really know what they want, but they know for certain what they don’t want.
- Exceptions always outnumber rules.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- He who hesitates is probably right.
- The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
- If somthing is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.
- One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
- A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
- The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the bread.
- The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
- When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.
- The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.
- The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.
- You never want the one you can afford.
- Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good price.
- If it says “one size fits all,” it doesn’t fit anyone.
- You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
- The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
- Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
- When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight.
- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
- Interchangeable parts won’t.
- No matter which way you go, it’s uphill and against the wind.
- If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
- Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.
- Progress is made on alternative Fridays.
- No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
- The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
- As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be illegible.
- A free agent is anything but.
- The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
- Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
- The one item you want is never the one on sale.
- The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.
- If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable.
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