Archive for January, 2007
Great Pick-Up lines to use on Blondes
1) That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed.
2) Do you want to see something swell?
3) What do you like for breakfast?
4) Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
5) Say, didnt we go to different schools together?
6) Why dont you come over here, sit on my lap, and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up.
7) Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
9) Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
10) You smell wet. Lets party!
11) If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold it against me?
12) Didn’t anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me? I thought you knew!
13) You have the ass of a great artist.
Blonde Jokes
Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: How do you measure a blonde’s intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she’s pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: “Is it mine?”
Q: How do you get a blonde off of your knees?
A: Come.
Q: How does a blond spell farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O
Q: How does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style?
A: She takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over
and beg.
Q: How does a blond kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal
her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are
all in the middle row.
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.
Q: How do you know a blond likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.
Accident experiment
The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident.
89% of the people in 49 states said: ”Oh, shit!”
In Texas 94% said: ”Hold my beer. Watch this.”
A husband and wife were lying in bed …
A husband and wife were lying in bed together one night. The wife rolled over and placed her hand lovingly on the chest of her husband.
“Honey,” the wife said, “if I died would you get married again?”
The husband said, “Never, my dear.”
The wife said, “I”m sure you would.”
So the husband said, “Okay, I would”
“Would you let her sleep in our bed?” the wife asked.
And the husband replied, “I suppose so.”
Then the wife asked, “Would you let her wear my clothes?”
“I doubt she”d want to,” the husband said. “She”d be so much thinner.”
Soccer ?!
